Disney’s haunted-house redo is haunted by movie ghosts of another park attraction
Haunted Mansion
Starring LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Owen Wilson & Tiffany Haddish
Directed by Justin Simien
PG-13
In theaters Friday, July 28
You’ve heard that old saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try again.”
Disney’s initial attempt at turning its iconic haunted-house attraction into a movie, back in 2003, was a flop, especially with critics. Now the House of Mouse is trying, trying again, with a fresh take and a new cast.
But not new enough or fresh enough.
The new Haunted Mansion may delight some Disney fans, with its “ghostly” FX that dutifully replicates many of the giggly goosebumps of the actual Disney attraction. There are rooms that “stretch,” goofy-ghoul portraits, a ballroom of waltzing spirits, a cemetery a-swirl with specters, an ominous suit of armor, and the Hatbox Ghost, a fan-favorite cadaver from the ride. (Look him up Disney.fandom.com. He’s got quite a story.)
But this movie lives in kind of cinematic netherworld, too goofy to be truly scary and too ridiculously, rampantly cheesy to be truly funny, or fun. It’s good for a few chuckles (thanks mostly to the script, by Parks and Rec ace writer Katie Leopold, which gives Tiffany Haddish some nice nuggets). But most of the humor is forced, flat, rote and predictable, mired in a gooey, sentimental subplot that feels completely at odds with the sense of untethered, otherworldly escapism on which it’s so clearly, obviously based.
The cast is game and leans heavily into the hammy premise of how they all came to be together in a creaky old house awash in pesky paranormal activity on the outskirts of New Orleans. LaKeith Stanfield is a man of science grieving his late wife; Owen Wilson plays a priest; Tiffany Haddish is a local psychic with great Yelp reviews; Danny DeVito chews the scenery as an eccentric historian steeped in supernatural lore. Rosario Dawson is a young-professional mom with a preteen son (newcomer Chase W. Dillon, who seems to be channeling the late child actor Gary Coleman from Diff’rent Strokes).
The characters find out that, if they try to leave the mansion, the pesky ghosts will follow them home, or wherever they go. Disney buffs will recall that’s just what visitors to the attraction are warned will happen as they exit the ride.
The house is haunted by a pantheon of out-of-control spirits, including a ghost medium (Jamie Lee Curtis), and Jared Leto brings the Hatbox Ghost back from the crypt.
Acclaimed movie maestro Guillermo del Toro (The Shape of Water, Pan’s Labyrinth, Nightmare Alley) initially wanted to make this movie, or at least write its screenplay. But shakeups at Disney shook him out of the project and ushered in Justin Simien, whose previous experience includes the TV series Dear White People and the satirical horror comedy Bad Hair. With del Toro at the helm, Haunted Mansion would have certainly been a different movie—and likely a much better one.
The overstuffed, hyper comedic mayhem gets even more overcrowded with familiar-face cameos from Dan Levy and Winona Rider (as tour guides), and Marilu Henner as a tourist. Time your movie bathroom break wrong and you’ll miss ‘em. Rider’s teeny role is likely a nod to another haunted-house movie, Beetlejuice, in which she starred in 2008, when she was 17.
But this Haunted Mansion is no Beetlejuice. Heck, it’s not even its predecessor, the previous Haunted Mansion (actually, The Haunted Mansion), which at least had the manic movie-star mojo of Eddie Murphy. And it’s no Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney’s 2003 live-action version of another of its popular park attractions, which went on to be a global box-office blockbuster of a franchise. This is another misfire, another Disney dud that feels like an under-performer, despite the work and intentions that went into it.
A houseful of ghosts, once again, turns out to be no match for boatloads of buccaneers.
—Neil Pond
The Media Tourist 