Tag Archives: neil pond

Shakespeare in Space

Another masterful mashup of the Bard and ‘Star Wars’

William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

William Shakespeare’s The Jedi Doth Return

By Ian Doescher

Hardcover, 168 pages $14.95 / $8.52 Kindle edition (Quirk Books)

 

Continuing the ultimate literary arc of geek-speak high homage, this third installment of author Ian Doescher’s parody of the entire Star Wars movie canon, re-told in the florid iambic pentameter “signature” of William Shakespeare, continues the interstellar adventures of Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and other familiar characters from “a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away”—all to a masterful mashup of English lit and pop culture that’s hilarious, dramatic and downright mesmerizing.

 

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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Going Badly

Two Oscar winners flounder in sitcom-ism geriatric gloop

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And So It Goes

Starring Michael Keaton & Diane Keaton

Directed by Rob Reiner

PG-13

A paint-by-numbers romantic comedy for the AARP crowd, And So It Goes stars Michael Douglas as a cantankerous Connecticut real estate hotshot, Diane Keaton as New England’s most unconvincing lounge singer, and young Sterlin Jerins (who fled zombies with Brad Pitt in World War Z) as the adorable moppet who brings them all together.

Director Rob Reiner has made some good movies, and even some great ones—This Is Spinal Tap, Misery, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally, Stand By Me. Measured against cult masterpieces and all-time audience favorites like those, a lot of other movies would have a hard time measuring up. But this sitcom-like blob of sentimental geriatric gloop, alas, doesn’t have a chance.

ASIG_02615.NEFDouglas’ character, Oren Little, is still bitter 10 years after losing his wife to cancer. Now he’s a full-fledged grump and one-man insult factory, shooshing playful kids, muttering ethic slurs to potential clients and pelting stray dogs with his paintball gun. “Do people really let you get away with being you?” asks his next-door neighbor Leah (Keaton), incredulously.

When Oren’s long-estranged adult son shows up, he’s packing a surprise: He’s headed to prison. Can Oren keep his young daughter—the grandchild he never knew existed—until he gets out of the pokey?

ASIG_04670.NEFIf you’ve never seen any other movie or television show, ever, you might wonder where this story is headed. Otherwise, you’ll see every twist, turn, bump and bumble coming long before it gets there, as the new “unwanted” addition to Oren’s life sets him on a fresh, friendlier course—and reignites his romantic spark.

Douglas and Keaton are old pros and they ride out the storm as best they can, but even these two solid Oscar winners can’t put much of a shine on a script full of cheap jokes, lame gags and flat-out embarrassing lines of insultingly dumb dialog.

And they can’t keep director Reiner’s mind out of the gutter. We watch a pooch take a poop, see a little girl react to a dog humping a stuffed animal (“Look Mommy—it’s just like you and Daddy dancing!”), and hear Oren make a crude crack about being confronted with…ahem, genitals…when a little boy changes out of his swimsuit. After a badly botched attempt at lovemaking, Leah rebukes Oren: “I had a dog once who wouldn’t leave my crotch alone, and it was more romantic than this!”

ASIG_03855.NEFFor some people, the pile-on of feel-good mush at the end might divert them enough to think they’ve seen a decent, even uplifting movie. But most will be discerning enough to know they’ve just really just been buried alive by a truckload of artificial sweetener.

In one scene, Oren and his granddaughter discuss a sandwich made of two slices of baloney and one of cheese. That’s actually a pretty good metaphor for this slapped-together attempt at making a quick, no-frills multiplex option for viewers old enough to get senior-citizen discounts.

It’s just that I can’t imagine this baloney, and this cheese, being what anyone wants for a movie meal—at any age.

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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Monkey Business

‘Apes’ sequel further muddles the line between monkey and man

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Starring Andy Serkis, Gary Oldman, Keri Russell & Jason Clark

Directed by Matt Reeves

Rated PG-13

Whose side are you on when battle lines are drawn between people and other primates? The answer may not be as clear-cut as you think, especially in this terrific second installment of the latest Planet of the Apes series, which muddies the moral ground—as well as other things—between monkey and man.

As Dawn begins, we’re reminded that some ten years ago (in 2011’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes), scientific experimentation—and exploitation—resulted in a proliferation of genetically modified apes and began a widespread viral wipeout of the world’s human population.

Now, in a decimated, post-ape-ocalyptic world, a tribe of hunting, gathering apes—who have learned to communicate through sign language, rudimentary writing and grunted speech—rule the densely forested hills outside the city that once was the metropolis of San Francisco.

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APESWhen a small group of humans are discovered deep inside ape territory, it begins an uneasy truce—until dissenting factions on both sides stoke tensions to something much more aggressive.

Director Matt Reeves, whose resume includes the monster movie Cloverfield, the moody vampire saga Let Me In and several episodes of TV’s 1998-2002 series Felicity, draws from all those projects for his talent pool and technique. Felicity star Keri Russell is the movie’s female lead, Kodi Smit-McPhee played the bullied young teen in Let Me In, and several of Reeve’s bravura sequences—like the one of apes on horseback, firing machine guns—are as tense and scari-fying as almost anything you’ll see in any monster movie.

But Reeves and his team of FX wizards also create something above and beyond any of those movies—and most other movies, period—when it comes to blending live-action with digital effects. The apes, created through a process of “motion capture” photography where live actors are first filmed then digitally “overlaid” with their personalized primate characteristics, are nothing short of spectacular. You won’t be to separate pulse from pixels, no matter how closely you look.

Hunting partyAnd even though the “human” cast also includes Gary Oldman and Jason Clark (from Zero Dark Thirty), top billing goes to someone you’ll never see, at least out of his digital ape-draping: Andy Serkis, who plays Caesar, the chief of the apes, is the true star of this show. Serkis, who’s also portrayed Gollum in The Lord of the Rings and the biggest ape of them all in King Kong, is a marvel, humanizing Caesar as a diplomat, a father, a husband and a leader who knows that leading can sometimes mean making difficult, unpopular, dangerous and even life-or-death decisions.

With a story that connects to contemporary (as well as ancient) issues and themes—trust, family, betrayal, racism, war, survival—this smart, muscular, action-packed blockbuster is easily one of the summer’s most rousing sci-fi crowd-pleasers. It’s some seriously strong, exceptionally well-made monkey business.

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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Lights, Action, Wahlbergs

Donnie, Mark, other Wahlbergs star in reality-TV show

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Wahlburgers: The Complete First Season

DVD $19.98 (Lionsgate Home Entertainment)

The A&E reality-TV series about the Wahlbergs, centered around their family-owned restaurant in the Hingham, Mass., shows a domestic, hometown side to the Hollywood lives of actors Mark and Donnie, alongside their cousin Paul and their mom, Alma. Season one episodes includes various eatery escapades and offsite adventures, including visits from Mark’s fiancé, actress Jenny McCarthy, and Joey McIntyre, his former musical mate in the s’80s “boy band” New Kids on the Block.

 

 

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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War All Over

A round-up of HISTORY programs commemorates WWI centennial

100 Years of WWI100 Years of World War I

DVD $14.98 (Lionsgate Home Entertainment)

The first “war of mass destruction,” harnessing new powers of weaponry, technology and telecommunications in ways that had never been done—or seen—before, left 15 million dead, 20 million injured and changed the world’s perception of battle forever. Packaging together four HISTORY channel programs, including a new multi-part mini-series, this comprehensive roundup commemorates the centennial of America’s game-changing entry into global warfare with more than five hours of expert interviews, info gleaned from eyewitness accounts and high-tech re-creations.

 

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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Portrait of Paul

A revealing new light on the ‘cute’ Beatle

Man on the Run

Man on the Run

By Tom Doyle

Hardcover, 288 pages, $27 (Ballantine)

 

The author, a Scottish rock journalist who’s interviewed Paul McCartney numerous times over the years, paints a candid, fascinating portrait of the rock ’n’ roll icon from one of the most tumultuous, uncertain periods of his life—following the breakup of the world-famous band, forming a new group, trying to outpace his past and find his future. It’s a whole new side to the “cute, happy Beatle” that sheds revealing new light on one of the most famous living rock stars on the planet.

 

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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Rain Man

Russell Crowe stars in Biblical flood epic with splashes of sci-fi

NoahNoah

Blu-ray $39.99, DVD $29.99 (Paramount Home Media)

 

Russell Crowe stars as the Old Testament’s most famous survivalist in director Darren Aronofsky’s dazzling, big-screen adaptation of the Biblical flood epic, which deviates a bit from anything you might have studied in Sunday School—unless I somehow missed the Sundays we talked the giant talking rock angels. But it’s quite an eye-popping spectacle of drama, special effects and storytelling in its own right, and it offers plenty of food for thought. Extras include behind-the-scenes featurettes, including an on-location look at filming in Iceland, and creating the movie’s thematic centerpiece—the colossal arc—inside and out.

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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Talk to the Animals

To TV vet Dr. Pol, every creature has a tale

Never Turn Your Back on An Angus CowNever Turn Your Back on an Angus Cow

By Dr. Jan Pol with David Fisher

Hardcover, 288 pages, $15.88 / $10.99 Kindle edition (Gotham Books)

A familiar character to fans of his reality show, The Incredible Dr. Pol on Nat Geo Wild, this no-nonsense, Netherlands-born veterinarian, who’s lived and worked in rural Michigan for the past 40 years, gives a fascinating account of his mission of caring for creatures ranging “from a white mouse to a 2,600-pound pound horse.” Amusing, colorful and heartwarming, it’s a tale any animal lover will enjoy. “Until they start inventing new animals, I think I can say there isn’t a type I haven’t looked into the eyes and wondered how it was feeling,” he writes. With Dr. Pol, every patient has a story—and every animal has a tale, as well as a tail.

 

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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Anything for a Laugh

Melissa McCarthy is up for anything…but is that a good thing?

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Tammy

Starring Melissa McCarthy & Susan Sarandon

Directed by Ben Falcone

R, 96 min.

Melissa McCarthy’s breakout, in the raunchy hit 2011 comedy Bridesmaids, was an Oscar-nominated supporting role in which her character pooped in a bathroom sink.

As her star ascended, with Sandra Bullock in The Heat and Jason Bateman in Identity Thief, her humor didn’t necessarily rise alongside it to a higher, classier level. Now, in her first bona fide star vehicle—which she co-wrote and produced and her husband, actor Ben Falcone, directed—she sticks with the type of character, for better but mostly for worse, her fans have come to recognize…and expect.

We meet Tammy in the first scene driving her junk car, stuffing her face and jamming out to classic rock on the radio. She’s a big, sloppy mess with a big heart—and big problems. Soon enough, she loses her job, finds her husband cheating with another woman, and sets off on a boozy cross-country road trip with her grandmother (Susan Sarandon) to see Niagara Falls.

L14A2579.dngIt’s all meant to be a custom-made template for the wide-open, plus-size shenanigans of the boldly physical McCarthy, who fearlessly charges and barges from one gag to the next. Tammy crashes a jet ski into a pier. Tammy brags about her irresistible sexual prowess—only to be flatly rebuffed by every guy she approaches in a bar. Tammy puts a greasy paper bag on her head to stick up a hamburger joint.

The story careens between crude, lewd slapstick, sentiment, and family woes so deep and dark you’ll have to remind yourself you’re watching a comedy. The characters of Tammy and her grandmother are so poorly written, so badly formed, they seem to be different people at different times, sometimes during the same scene.

The supporting cast—Kathy Bates, Allison Janney, Toni Collette, Dan Aykroyd—loll about, pop in, pop out. But none of them are given anything of real significance to do, and I have to wonder what Kathy Bates was thinking as she delivered a ridiculous soliloquy to a piece of sporting equipment at a Viking funeral.

And, shades of Thelma and Louise, what is Susan Sarandon, wearing a grey wig that looks like it’s on loan from the prop closet of TV’s Mama’s Family, doing here at all? She’s a total pro, but she’s barely 20 years older than McCarthy, and the movie wants us to believe she can be Tammy’s grandmother? It’s a colossal casting fail, and it further bungles this bumpy inter-generational road trip.

TAMMYMcCarthy and her director husband Falcone (who appears in an early scene as Tammy’s boss) may enjoy working together, but it appears that what McCarthy really needs is someone who can funnel her comedic chops into something more focused and refined.

At one point, Tammy drives a car between two trees, where it gets stuck. But she keeps giving it the the gas, yelling, ripping off the rearview mirrors, denting the doors and the fenders, determined to get through—which she eventually does.

Like Tammy, McCarthy just keeps pressing, pushing, running, rolling, slamming and bamming—anything for a laugh, a chuckle, a giggle. Tammy may be one banged-up, scuffed-up, dented mess of a movie, but somehow, nonetheless, McCarthy makes it out, to the other side. To what, now, is the real question.

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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Twice the Thrills

Crime-fiction characters come together to work in tandem

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Edited by David Baldacci

Hardcover, 384 pages, $26.99 / Kindle edition $10.99 (Simon & Schuster)

Lovers of thrill-and-chill fiction will get a real kick out of this unprecedented collaboration bringing together 23 bestselling thriller writers, linking up their iconic characters to “face off” together in jointly penned stories to solve all-new mysteries, track down serial killers, settle old scores, or mop up some other messes. The who’s who includes Lee Child’s Jack Reacher, Jeffrey Deaver’s Lincoln Rhyme, Steve Barry’s Cotton Malone, Joseph Finder’s Nick Heller and dozens of others who’ll be familiar to all lovers of the arcane, the cloak and dagger, and the dark and the dangerous.

 

—Neil Pond, American Profile Magazine

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